Browns Unis Offend Football Gods, Lead to Their Humiliation by the Giants
Posted: August 19, 2008 @ 2:06 am
Anybody else watch the Giants-Browns tilt Monday night? It looked like an intriguing matchup of teams Dallas will face this year, but it was a pushover, with New York racing to a 30-3 lead just three minutes into the second quarter.
Cleveland’s offense looked awful. Their defense looked worse. Their special teams worse still. The final embarrassment came when Jamal Lewis fumbled the ball inside the Giants five, only to see it returned for a touchdown. Add Derek Anderson’s concussion and it was a forgettable night for the Browns.
I blame their uniforms.
Look at these abominations:
They’re absolutely schizophrenic. The jerseys are classic Browns, circa 1955. Otto Graham wore that shirt. So did Jim Brown. The pants, on the other hand, are something from Flashdance. All that’s missing are the leg warmers. And dig those two-tone, color-coordinated shoes. Even the cleats match!
Cleveland has one of the most understated, influential uniforms around. The helmets lack a side decal. The white-on-white unis started the home-white trend years before the Cowboys existed. Look at the Packers’ jerseys. Knockoffs of Cleveland’s, especially the sleeves. Look at the Dolphins’ uniforms from their glory days of the early ’70s. They’re replicas of the Browns’ ’50s unis, with aqua and orange replacing the orange and dark brown.
Tonight, Cleveland defamed that uniform, and you can just imagine the ghosts of Paul Brown and Marion Motley shaking their heads in disgust, then causing mischief with the football. All-black, spandex pants look good on Olympic sprinters, not on flabby, big-butted 345 pound linemen. (T.O. wears tights like this — under his regular uniform pants.) The Browns are football players, but they look like they’re late for a Richard Simmons aerobic session.
You simply can’t win looking like this, and Cleveland didn’t come close.
God, I hope the Browns wear them again on opening day against the Cowboys.
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“Are those pants lycra? They’re FAB U LOUSSSS!” (said in a [ahem] “flamboyant” manner)
As terrible as they looked, I think that Cleveland does have some legitimate weapons on offense, Edwards, Winslow Jr, Lewis… But the Giants’ offensive and defensive lines are still World Champs and could be the class of the NFL.
I rewatched the Cowboys game, and I don’t get all the sturm and drang on the boards… sure, there were too many penalties. But the offense isn’t wide open yet, and neither is the defense. And don’t you just get the sense that 55 is playing at 90%, saving himself for the season? He is so much better in the middle than any Cowboys ILB/MLB I’ve ever seen. Dat wishes he was Zach Thomas.
The 2nd and 3rd teamers played very well, I thought. Adam Jones and Bennett the TE improved a TON. Carpenter played well. Ol’ Pat Watkins got his 2nd erased INT. Returns and coverage improved as well.
Hannah is my new most favorite Cowboy. What a funky, weird weapon he could be. Chris Cooley, eat your heart out.
I’d like to see a match up between the Browns in these leotards and the eagles wearing those funky disco green unis they introduced last year. That would be very funny.
Raul, thanks again for fixing the Drew Pearson interview. That was great. Raf, can you get him again. I enjoyed the heck outta hearing this old hero of mine comparing todays DBs with the 70’s era secondaries he played against.
Who’s mug is that on the home page’s banner?
I cant wrap my head around what Bradie James was trying to say with the Patriots quote earlier this week. And his one or two follow-up “explanations” didnt clarify anything for me, and I am pretty sure left me further confused. Anyone want to lend me a hand and translate James’ quote into plain English? Thanks.
I love the Browns jerseys and helmets, but yes, the pants suck. Change those and they have something going IMO. I loved the white one white and the brown jersey on white. Either way, white pants.
I really, really like the simplicity of the non-decal helmet.
The Brady James comments were very astute actually.
He was slamming all the big names on the Cowboys as being just that, names, until they prove something by winning.
white on white, not white one white. Too fast with the submit button.
Trifecta, now fourfecta.
“Unbelievable,” Cleveland coach Romeo Crennel told reporters. “Evidently we didn’t do enough work. I told the team it’s my fault for trying to save them in practice by not hitting. We’re not very good right now.”
a bit too familiar to me….
I agree that it helps stave off injuries to not hit during practice but isn’t that what football is about? Hitting? Tackling? Remember the poor tackling in the playoff game that led to a Giants TD? Hopefully the boys’ can cover a lot of ground and dust off the non-hitting rust in a few weeks.
I don’t think the poor tackling in the Giants playoff game had to do with the preseason and mini camp. After 16 weeks of regular season games, you know how to tackle and have had plenty of contact.
Torch,
We were as fresh and healthy as any team in the league last year, so Phillips training camp regimen worked just fine. Tackling or not in camp had nothing to do with the loss to the Giants, jeez.
We did not make the plays, simple as that. We weren’t pushed around and we were in shape. The game was within our reach. At crunch time, we missed some plays, not many, but just enough to lose.
Joe Horn has been cut loose by Atl I wonder if JJ will bring him in for a look?
“Remember the poor tackling in the playoff game ”
Those preseason slackers should be traded to the Phins, let the Tuna have em.
Horn has zero value this team.
insert 4
Joey
I could not agree more on #55. Zach Thomas is a tackling machine. He might not be big or fast but he is always at the point of attack sideline to sideline. Maybe the smartest player (defensive) in a generation.
I would like the Browns uni’s just fine if that orange helmet was planted in Eli’s chest.